House Husband Happiness?
Thomas King:
February 14th, 2008
Valentine’s Day has been and gone and left in its wake the treacley-sweet feeling of how nice it is to be in love. But for many couples, the post-Valentine’s match report can actually leave them questioning just how happy they really are. Fortunate then, that a new study from the University of Texas suggests a couple’s relationship can be made much stronger by stepping into each other’s shoes.
The adjustment to parenthood after a new baby arrives has been identified as one of the most stressful times in a relationship and it can be weakened for up to a year after the birth. Recent studies have suggested that this may be because men were struggling to fill the traditional ‘breadwinner’ image of a father. This struggle was causing them to become “emotionally isolated” from their families as their duty to earn money became so much more significant.
Up until now, though, little work has been done on families where the mother was the breadwinner and the father looked after the children. In theory, these couples should face even more stress from the arrival of a new child because, not only are they coping with their new responsibilities, but they also have to deal with society judging them for bucking the usual ’stay-at-home mum’ and ‘working dad’ roles.
In reality, the new University of Texas survey found, fathers who were also caregivers often rated their relationship satisfaction much higher. This increased satisfaction seemed to stem mostly from the fact that the men felt more supported by (and supportive of) their partners than those in a more traditional role.
The men might have partly been more supportive as they felt freed of the responsibilities associated with a job. This, though, seemed unlikely since many men treated the daily responsibilities of childcare much like those of a job. The survey’s authors suggested that, even if childcare was treated as a job, it was a job that felt more meaningful and more challenging for the fathers. This made them feel more supported as they were being allowed to try the role out while their partners took on their perceived responsibilities. At the same time, they understood the pressures facing their spouse in the working world and, as they could empathise, they were more supportive.
This research shouldn’t suggest to every man that he should instantly down tools and become a house-husband but it does emphasise how important it is to try to see things from your significant other’s point-of-view. So instead of roses next year, perhaps the best Valentine’s Day gift would be a good dose of perspective.
March 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I think you have to be a little more skeptical of “studies” since they are a myriad of them and you can pretty much find anyone that supports your own biases and prejudices/preferences. Particularly in the so-called “social sciences” is it true that persons with a certrain political viewpoint use these “studies” to advance their own agendas. As an example, what would your reaction have been to a study showing that women who stay home are happier? In certain quarters there would be outrage. I think you have to very careful about insisting that there is only one way to be happy. Particularly when you are insisting that that one way only applies to one gender. At any rate perhaps we have spent far too much time describing how miserable women have been while restricted to the home, to now turn around and say how happy men are under the same restriction.